The first time I met Gracie Gold, in late fall of 2011 at a suburban Chicago rink, she allowed me a glimpse into her psyche after a previous season filled with disappointment.

“I had zero confidence in myself,” she said, refusing to use physical growth as an excuse for the inconsistent jumps that had kept her from qualifying for the 2011 U.S. Junior Championships.

By the time of our first conversation, after her eye-catching performances that season at both a Junior Grand Prix event in Estonia and Midwestern Sectionals, the skating world already was anointing Gold, then 16, as the sport’s next star.

The expectations would be enormous, especially for someone whose psyche always remained fragile.

She bore up to them remarkably well, winning two U.S. senior titles (with two second places), finishing a solid fourth at the 2014 Olympics (with a bronze medal in the team event) and fourth twice at senior worlds.  She built a résumé that would be the envy of nearly every little girl who puts on figure skates and dreams of such achievements.

Of her winning free skate at the 2016 U.S. Championships, I wrote:   "Her jumps were huge and secure, her poise complete, her skating to music from Stravinsky’s `Firebird' a performance that showed the polish of a mature, experienced athlete."  

Little did we know that such performances sometimes masked the truth, that she was a Pagliacci laughing for the crowd while crying inside.